Open Adoption: Lakshmi Iyer

Adoption has been a topic close to my heart. A secret topic close to my heart. It wasn't one of those I spoke much about or acted upon, but dream I did. From when I was in 8th grade and I heard a rather vivid story on adoption and I saw how integrated and happy they all were and how hard the pre-adoption stage was for both, and I swore to myself that I would grow up and adopt. 

Well, I grew up, and no, I did not adopt. For some, life isn't steered too consciously, and I did not pay much attention to where I sailed, and now am at the point where I know that that boat has sailed what with my age and stage in life. That only makes the desire and dream all the more poignant when I do hear stories or meet folks who have opened up their hearts and lives, it creates that pang in my heart. There's that tug, a gentle choke of the voice chords and there is that mist that appears when I see them, making them all look like well, angels. 

In recent years, Ive known a few of these wonderful families, and the count is only increasing. Bless their hearts! 

That's enough about me, and let me introduce you to this amazing woman who has followed her instincts and heart and charted off into unknown territories with nothing more than faith and belief in herself and her husband. Unassuming and with an air of quiet acceptance hiding all the turmoil as she worked her way through to the surface, Lakshmi and I go a very long way back. 

Both of us started blogging right about the same time, and with so few Indian bloggers in the US back then, most quickly knew each other and we built a rapport, like we do, through our words, experiences and the tales we spun on our blogs. She had an ephemeral way of expressing her thoughts, almost dream like, and many of us watched her through her initial gloom with despair and helplessness, coz that's all anyone could offer. 

Then when I found her again after being offline a bit, there she was happy and preening over her babies. She writes it all on her blog. 

She is also an amazingly helpful, kind person, who without hesitation, opened up to me with what I posed. If I was in wonder and awe with her last five years, I now am also filled with gratitude and joy in knowing her and to the value that one can add on with such experiences. 

Without any more delay, here is Lakshmi Iyer, on her adoption process and becoming a mom, a parent. :-) 

Her blog: Saying Out Aloud. 

Want Something? Ask!

As you can tell from the title, this post is about that huge uphill task most of us have faced at some point in time in our daily lives.

Story time:

My daughter is 10 years old and she said something last week that rung bells in my head. It wasn't new, but every now and then we need reminders and jolts of such simple rules, and I love it that most of the time these nuggets of wisdom are brought in by little people, who in all their glory and simplicity do what comes naturally.

She had wanted to be a bus patrol this year. I told her 'no' - yes, I am to be blamed. BUT I had good reason. 5th grade would be a jump in school work, and she had her plate full, and knowing her propensity to sleep in, I wasn't entirely sure she would be making the bus every morning. So, I said: Maybe next year? Not this one, let's just try and be regular to school on the bus and see?

She, being the good one, agreed. This was during last summer. She asked again in Fall, and I gently diverted her attention.
Cut to this January.
One evening, she comes home and exclaims! Guess what? Maria is a patrol! Like now. In January. I thought there was a cutoff and I couldn't apply in September, and today she is a patrol! 
Wow! How did that happen? I ask
You know what she did? She asked!
That's all she did! ASK, mom. She went to Mr. Bate, and asked if she could be a patrol last week, and she is a patrol now. 

Starts to mutter her incredulity with more power, yet under her breath. "all she did was ask! why didn't I think of that!" 

I stared back at her with renewed hope, happiness and realization, and said aloud what we both were thinking in our heads. "If you want something, badly enough, all you have to do is ask" 

***

We've battled with the uncertainty and the How, and the What ifs, and the Rejection. We, especially as women have been conditioned to not ask, or to not feel ungrateful for what we already have and to be labeled Selfish, if we did ask.

As children, we've been told that it is not polite to ask for that extra piece of cake, for a playdate, for the new toy your friend already owns. It starts back then. The conditioning. So, it is little surprise that it translates to a lot of disappointment and dissatisfaction piling on as we continue to smother that impulse which is basic.

Your eyes see food. Your brain decides that it wants it, and your mouth is asked to shut up and there is that constant friction between the various organs and presto, obviously we land with a headache?

That leads to the next question (am such a problem solver!) on how this discontent can affect us. Not just giving us undue headaches but when translating it to real world scenarios, it is evident that we stifle ourselves of opportunities and growth. Blind sighted by assumptions and conditioning, we are selling ourselves short and hence are not fully utilizing our potential and even that space to grow beyond.

Here's your takeaway.

• Ask. 
• Ask politely. 
• The worst that can happen is a No. It's okay. Doesn't make you less. 
• If you got a Yes, then aren't you glad you asked? 
• If you don't ask, you've already been denied. 

..and I found this nice video that explains it better. Plus she has my mom's name, so there's an affinity alright ;-)

So, want something? Ask!
I plan to today, and I have a feeling, I'll be all the more richer for it!

Jackie Tury: Awakening The Arts

Today I introduce you to Jackie Tury, artist and social worker who found her calling in the creative arts while laying down in bed nursing a leg injury 8 years ago. From then to now, Jackie has gone on and not only learnt to paint and explore within the various mediums but she has also integrated her work in the social field and with a perfect marriage of the two, she has evolved into an artful awakening artist and teacher!

I met Jackie at a yoga retreat last year, and during the 2 hour session with her, I reflected, thought and chose my colors and cut and painted and glued and created a piece of work that was uniquely me and a reflection of my mind and its various layers. I did this with her asking questions, and leading me (and others) through the process.
Most definitely a very different kind of art class, I thought in my head as I held on it driving back.
Arguably, and not surprisingly, am not the only one who thought so!
..and with good reason, Jackie enjoys this process and you can tell how much by just visiting her home, which I did, and here is why I think she is wonderfully inspiring, different and has something that each of you will take away at the end of this post!

Jackie Tury:  Artful Awakenings: Check her blog out!

On Strength And Stoicism

My Monday promise:

Life has a way to rock the boat that's steady. Some are gentle, some rocky, but rock it does. Most of us succumb to them, and strengthen, steel or allow for some clinks in the armor. It's only natural we protect who we are.
Most of the changes are expected to make us better human beings. The strength and the wisdom and the cautiousness with which we will allow to conduct ourselves in the future. There is a thin line between being strong or being harsh, between wisdom and cynicism, and between the shades of gray. The gray that gives us the clarity or the gray that dooms us.

Extenuating circumstances always bring the unfairness to light. To be at the receiving end of misfortune when you cannot answer the question "Why?" is a tough one to sleep on. You dig deep into your mind, into each crevice to wonder on the paybacks, the reasons on the Why.
When your logical brain cannot fathom and come up with an answer that seemingly satisfies, one tends to get cynical. To be angry. To lash out, to lose hope and to react in a way that leaves a bitter shadow on all things next.

To NOT allow that to happen requires tremendous faith and strength.

It's easier to give up than to hold it together. It's even more wondrous and a true measure of strength, when one can hold it together when everyone around you expects you to break down. 

I know of one woman who is exactly that.

There are am sure more, there cannot not be, but we can only talk about ones we encounter, and we are left to stare at them in awe and wonder and in a moment of complete un-abashed surrender, we may even pride ourselves of knowing such a fine woman.

A friend and confidante, I love her to the moon and back.
Curious? Read more here.
It's personal and as raw as I can allow it without infringing on them.